Nag Less, Pray More

Category: New Lessons I am Learning (Page 2 of 10)

It’s a Game of Give and Take

I remember being a freshman in high school, wanting a boyfriend, and it just wasn’t happening. A song became popular that consoled me, Phil Collins’s “You Can’t Hurry Love.” It helped me wait for the right man to come along, which wasn’t for another five years, and the final line of the chorus continues to apply to my life, “It’s a game of give and take.”

It’s been nearly two weeks since I found my husband collapsed in the kitchen with his head cracked open. He still has double vision and fatigue. We’ve gone to doctor appointments, had extended periods of rest, and I’ve needed to care for his needs like never before in our marriage.

In the past, I have been the patient, and he has been the caregiver, but now these roles have reversed. It’s an adjustment for both of us, but it has taught us to appreciate one another so much. I will never take for granted all that he has sacrificed in caring for me while I have been sick. He’s learned the helplessness of being the sick one, wanting so much to recover according to his timetable instead of God’s. We are able to understand what the other is going through because of our own past experiences.

After nearly 29 years of marriage, I would have thought that we’d know everything there is to know about the subject. In these uncertain times, we are both learning a boatload of lessons of how to relate to one another and help one another as we go through a time that neither one of us expected to be enduring at this point in our lives. We don’t know what the obstacles are that we have ahead of us, but we are learning that they are best faced together.

A year after my hubby and I began dating, Phil Collins came out with another song that became one of our favorites. and part of its chorus applied way back then and still applies now, “Wouldn’t you agree, baby, you and me, have a groovy kind of love?”

The answer is a resounding yes, through all the highs and lows, bests and worsts, and give and take.

When God’s Plans Differ From Yours

I was supposed to be eating seafood on the beach in Santa Cruz tonight, having just arrived on a five-day getaway with my husband. Instead, I sit home in the dark, listening to the rhythmic snores of my husband on the couch near me, observing him for signs of distress. This is not how I planned to spend the end of 2018.

Real life began its deviation from my idealistic plan six days ago. My husband and I were at church, enjoying the Christmas service on the evening of December 22. As I leaned against my husband, my stomach tossed angrily and I realized my fatigue was worse than the typical “three-days-before-Christmas-tired.” At the end of service, as I began to do my weekly job of supervising sign outs for the children, I pulled the trash can toward me just in time to catch the contents of my heaving stomach. The thermometer confirmed that I had caught a virus. I continued vomiting for the next 24 hours, despite the fact that I had a full to-do list. Our two children and their new spouses were coming over on December 24 for what I had planned to be a picture-perfect Christmas.

Instead, I sat in the opposite corner from the rest of the family to avoid infecting them, getting up often to run to the bathroom. I didn’t get to participate in the board games or chow down on the yummy brunch but merely nibbled at my food and laid down on the couch. It wasn’t what I had pictured, but I consoled myself with the thought that surely this illness would pass before our trip to Santa Cruz…

I did manage to recover enough to go to celebrations at my husband’s brother’s home and my daughter’s in-laws’ home and had an enjoyable yet sedate time. A few hours after arriving home from Christmas dinner, I awoke to the sound of my husband retching. He had caught the virus. I maintained hope that he could recover in time for the trip. I even bought my little shampoo and conditioner bottles in my post-Christmas shopping and mentally began a packing list. I fell asleep that night thinking, “Only two more sleeps until vacation time.”

Just two hours later, I heard heavy breathing coming from the front part of the house. I stumbled down the hallway toward the sound and turned on the kitchen light to find my husband sprawled on the kitchen floor with a puddle of blood forming next to his head. He mumbled, “Dizzy,” and I knew we had to get to the ER. We arrived shortly after 1am and stayed until 4:30. They cleaned his wound, performed a CT scan, and administered IV fluids. They released him to my care and told him to rest and keep hydrated. We drove home and feel into bed, exhausted.

At 7am, he still struggled to maintain his balance, falling twice more, and he began experiencing double vision. Upon the advice of my nurse friend, we returned to the ER. Five hours and another CT scan later, we returned home with no more answers than the first time we went. I did have strict orders to keep him away from screens and supervise him closely, as he had a concussion. We called and cancelled the hotel reservation and were relieved to get a full refund, but my heart was sad.

This morning, instead of packing the car for our beach trip, we drove to the ophthalmologist’s office for an early appointment. I filled out the paperwork while my hubby held his head in his hands. The doctor seemed hopeful that the double vision will resolve with complete rest for days on end. Optimal recovery includes keeping the rooms dark, spending very little time looking at an electronic screen, and sleeping most of the time. I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone, because I know how hard it is for him to stick to these guidelines.

Life rarely goes like we think it will, and yet we’re always surprised when it doesn’t. I caught myself going down the terrible road of self-pity and am mustering all my willpower to depend on God and look for the lessons and the blessings, and I am finding many. Here are just some of the ones that God has revealed to me.

  • Pinning your hopes on an upcoming event often sets you up for disappointment
  • It will be great to start the new year with getting so much rest in the final days of this year.
  • My children have grown up to be really supportive and loving adults, and I have very kind friends. My son and his wife came over yesterday and cleaned and took down all the Christmas decorations for us. My daughter and many others have been constantly checking on us.
  • Drawing near to God is the best thing I can be doing right now. He is always dependable, and I can’t say that about anything else!There’s no place like home.

I think our family will always remember the last days of 2018 as the days that God had different plans.

Happy New Year!

Conclusion to Advice I’d Give My Younger Self

I can’t believe I was able to finish the 31 day challenge.  Life threatened to get in the way with birthdays, a surgery for my husband, out of town company, and multiple daily commitments, but I remained determined to see it through to the end.

The most important nugget I learned through the process is that I still have so much left to learn and do.  Every single piece of advice I gave to myself, I still need to follow today.  I still stumble daily as I try to incorporate each of these into my life.  That made me feel a bit defeated.

I also learned that the best years of my life are not all behind me.  I still have an amazing God to follow, a lot of people to encourage, a lot of milestones to achieve, a lot of places to go, and apparently a lot of lessons to learn.   I learned that there is so much joy and growth in the journey of life.  That left me feeling hopeful

Thank you for sticking with me through the 31 day challenge.  Let’s learn and grow together in the days to come.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

God Has Everything You Need

Dear Younger Self,

You look to many relationships, formulas, actions, and even material objects to satisfy you, but the truth is that God has everything you will ever need.On your best days and your worst days, you can always be assured of His presence.  You cannot count on anything else with this amount of certainty.

Each morning when you get up, know that it is God who will guide you and care for you during the day.   Choose to rest in His presence and seek His wisdom, and you will have all you need to get through the day.

This world would have you believe that God cannot meet all your needs.  Whenever you seek after what the world treasures for fulfillment, you will be left disappointed and empty.

God has been with you since the beginning, He is with you now, He will be with you all the days of your life, and He will be with you throughout eternity.  He truly is all you will need forever.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up

Dear Younger Self,

You easily get discouraged when life doesn’t progress as quickly as you would like it to.   You are tempted  to quit when life gets hard.  If you succumb to your temptation, you will never get anywhere.

In order to make progress in life, you must keep moving forward, even if your emotions are screaming at you to stop.  When you resolutely exercise your will over your feelings and continue to put one foot in front of the other through pain, hopelessness, frustration, and sadness, you will get closer to your goals.  If you stop, you will either stagnate in your life or even move backwards as you establish a poor track record.

Life is hard, but when you advance through the difficulties with your eyes on Jesus, you establish  momentum that is hard to stop.  Apply Newton’s first law of motion:  an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force.

Allow God to keep you going, and you will reap many benefits.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Live Each Day As If It Were Your Last

Dear Younger Self,

While I was researching this blog series, I asked a number of people what advice they would give to their younger self.  One of your friends you haven’t met yet, Pat, an octogenarian great-grandmother and widow, was the oldest person to reply to my question.   She answered quickly with a  wistful look in her eye, “Live each day as if it were your last.”

You have no idea what will happen from day to day, and you are not promised to have a tomorrow.  You will meet many people in your lifetime who pass away with very little if any warning.   Make sure you tell the special people in your life that you love them every time you talk to them.   Don’t leave conflicts unresolved.  If there’s something you’ve been wanting to try in your lifetime, there’s no time like the present to begin your pursuit.

As you look back on your life as you take your final breath, you will want to look back with fondness rather than regret.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

This Too Shall Pass

Dear Younger Self,

I know that what you are going through today seems insurmountable and never-ending, but I can promise you that it won’t last forever.  Don’t lose hope or perspective as you experience the challenges and joys of today.   Everything on this earth is temporary.

You will encounter many seasons throughout your lifetime, and you will often get no warning when one season will transition to another.  Even if circumstances seem difficult today, embrace the lessons you can learn from it and engrave it into your memory, because the circumstances will eventually change.

When you see what you are enduring as fleeting instead of permanent, your entire outlook will transform.  The sickness will end.  The babies will sleep through the night.  The pain will subside.  The children will grow up.  The trial will cease.

I have been through enough of life to know that everything really does pass.  You will be able to get through any hardship if you realize this.  Hang in there, my friend.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Nag Less, Pray More

Dear Younger Self,

You may think that your constant reminders to loved ones are helpful, but they are not nearly as efficient as praying on their behalf.   Nobody appreciates being badgered.  In fact, it often drives them away from doing what you want.

Instead, take your concerns straight to the God of the universe who created you and the ones you love and knows the absolute best plan for each person’s life and the absolute best way to motivate each person toward that plan.  The Holy Spirit can convict others so much better than you can.   Trust God’s sovereignty instead of your own determination.

Be the person filled with encouragement  for others instead of the one people avoid because of the negative messages they bear.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Relationships and Experiences are Worth Far More than Any Material Possession

Dear Younger Self,

How will you choose to invest your life?  In modern America, the word investment is closely associated with the accumulation of more money and more stuff.   Material possessions will bring fleeting happiness, but not lasting joy.   The more stuff you get, the more stuff you have to maintain, keep track of, and clean.

Instead, I would recommend that you spend your money on memorable experiences and meaningful relationships.   Don’t wait to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.  You never know when you will get the chance to do them again.  The time and energy you spend on others will continue to bless people for generations, long after anything you owned even exists.

So, savor each day, take the time to develop friendships, teach those younger than you what you know, and give a smile to someone who needs it.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

You’re Not in Control

Dear Younger Self,

You like to be the boss of your life and like to boss other people around as well.  You rush around like Rabbit from the Winnie the Pooh stories, throwing fits when people don’t do things the way you want them to.  It’s so much better to take a step back from your domineering ways.  The earlier that you learn you are not fully in control, the better.

I can tell you another story from your future to illustrate this fact.  In less than two years, you will be in the throes of hard labor with my first child, attempting to breathe right and do everything according to your meticulous birth plan, and what will happen in real life will look nothing like what you will spending plotting and planning. When you cry out to the nurse, “I feel so out of control,”  the nurse will look into my eyes and calmly reply, “Welcome to motherhood.”

Life rarely goes the way that we plan it will.  Don’t fret that you are not in control.  Instead, rely on God.  He’s the Only One who is truly in control.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

« Older posts Newer posts »