Tomorrow I am going to drive myself down to Winters to the childhood home of my daughter’s fiance, Joe, to spend the day with Joe’s mom for her birthday. We plan to go out to lunch and try on dresses for our children’s wedding coming up in July. After we finish our fun day together, I will drop her off then drive over to my daughter’s house to spend the night with her. All of it sounds very wonderful, and I’m really looking forward to it.
Then what could be the problem?
Although my outward appearance proves otherwise, inside I barely feel old enough to be married, let alone old enough to have a daughter getting married. I’m not one of those women who normally does the whole “lunch and shopping” kind of day, yet I know that this will bring Joe’s mom and I closer together and help us get ready for this wedding. I am still surprised I am considered grown up enough to be out on my own, yet my 23-year old daughter is living in a different town, successfully navigating her way through her first year of teaching. I still feel so young and uncertain inside, much like a young teenager.
But in a few short months, I will be celebrating my 50th birthday! The wrinkles congregating in the corners of my eyes and my cracking knees testify to this fact.
I’m wondering when I will ever feel fully grown up in my heart of hearts. When will I have the confidence to believe that I am really an adult?